Life has a way of passing by silently leaving you open
mouthed and speechless sometimes. I have been away from my blog for quite some
time now because of something similar in my life.
The year 2013 began on a happy and expectant note for
the both of us. Vidisha and I were expecting our first child and we were a
bundle of nerves. I had sent away Vidisha to Kanpur so that she would be taken
care off at my in-laws place. After all the first pregnancy of a woman is a time
when she needs the utmost care and what better place to be taken care off and pampered than
in your own home.
They say, a man learns about parenthood when he holds
his first child in his arms while a woman learns about motherhood when the child
kicks for the first time in her womb. Vidisha gave birth to a baby girl on 6th
March 2013. I had missed the birth of my child because I was stuck in Chennai
with office work. However, I booked my flight ticket and landed in Kanpur a day
later on the 7th of March. I could not take my eyes off my little bundle of joy.
She was so pretty. So tiny. So cute. So very
special.
Vidisha was very tired but both of us could not help
smiling and crying at the same time as we saw our first born sleeping there
peacefully. I was the happiest MAN on the planet then and I am sure Vidisha was
the happiest WOMAN.
We named her ‘Mayra’ which meant loved by everyone and
gave her the nick name ‘Sia’. We were weaving dreams around our child and were
looking forward to bringing her to Chennai in a couple of month’s time. I had
planned to paint the spare bedroom pink for her. Buy tons and tons of toys for
her. Leave office early everyday just to watch little Mayra sleep. I wanted to
watch her crawl, standup, stumble and walk in front of my
eyes.
But alas, life has its own strange way of playing cruel
games with us, of shattering our dreams and leaving us disillusioned with our
own life. I had taken a flight from Lucknow to Chennai early morning at 5:00 AM
on 13th March. I had hugged my child lightly and my wife tightly. I had taken
care not to wake little Mayra before I bid adieu to her. It was the most
difficult goodbye of my life. I simply did not want to leave sight of
Mayra.
I landed in Chennai at 3:00 PM and turned on my phone
after getting off the flight. I was stunned and could not believe the words
which were being spoken to me by Ashok uncle. "Mayra is no more" How could that
be possible? She was hale and hearty in the morning barely 10 hours ago. But it
was the truth. The bitter truth. The wail that escaped Vidisha when I spoke with
her a minute later was heart rending. Her tears of anguish, that afternoon, is
something which will haunt me forever the rest of my
life.
Mayra had breathing problems earlier that afternoon and
by the time she was rushed to the hospital it was all over.
Vidisha came back to be with me almost immediately after
this unfortunate event. Her tears every night burned my cheeks. I could not cry
like her for I had to remain strong for the sake of both of us. I used to wait
for Vidisha to cry herself to sleep every night before I could allow the luxury
of silent tears to myself.
Life has lost its sheen for us. Our dreams have been
shattered. However life must go on. We have picked up whatever remains of our
shattered life and decided to place our belief on the adage, "Whatever happens,
happens for the best."
It is nearing 3 months now since she left us. I could
not summon myself to write about her up until now. However I have realized that
life is like a book which has a new story to tell when we turn over the
page.
We miss you....We really miss you
Mayra....
Dear
God,
Please take care of our
little girl,
The one with big eyes and
soft curls.
She was special, as you
should know,
We really didn't want to
let her go but we had to....
R.I.P Mayra
Misra
March 6, 2013 - March
13, 2013
We hold you close within
our hearts,
and there you will
remain,
to walk with us throughout
our lives
until we meet
again...
