Men Are Like…

This post is dedicated to all my guy friends as well as girl friends.....The English Dictionary describes Men as ADULT HUMAN MALE.......but ever since poor Adam tricked Eve into eating the apple with the help of the slithering snake...WOMEN have devised different words to describe us poor men.....here is a collection of these descriptions.....

Have fun reading this one...

Men Are Like… Mascara.....They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like..... Commercials......You can't believe a word they say. 

Men are like..... Computers......Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. 

Men are like..... Coolers......Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere (Dedicated to my BEER BUDDIES )

Men are like..... Mini skirts.....If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like…..Government Bonds. They take so long to mature!

Men are like…..Parking Spots....... The good ones are taken!

Men are like… Horoscopes.... They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong!

QUICKFIRE KBC Style:

Q - Why do men want to marry virgins?
A - They can’t stand criticism. 

Q - What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
A - Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q - What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?

A - 1. No mind. 2. No business.

Q - How do men sort their laundry?
A - “Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”

Q - Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
A - They stay stuck in adolescence!

Q - What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars, they have no intention of driving!

Q - Why do bachelors like smart women?
A - Opposites attract.

Q - Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A - Breasts don’t have eyes.   

But whatever you say.....Men can't live without their Women...and surprise surprise....Women can't live without their Men too.....

Kopimism - A religion now for Ctrl C + Ctrl V

A new religion has come up...where else but in the Scandinavian country of Sweden....I tell you those scandinavians are noveltys....they are marvels on this planet.....they are one of the richest nations in the world...and have some of the quirkiest laws in the world....

Anyways...quirks of Sweden later...more about the new religion....

The government of Sweden has finally recognized a new file-sharing religion Kopimism...You heard it right .....File-Sharing religion Kopimism........

A "church" whose central tenet is the right to file-share has been formally recognised by the Swedish government. The Church of Kopimism claims that "kopyacting" - sharing information through copying - is akin to a religious service.

The church, which holds CTRL+C and CTRL+V (shortcuts for copy and paste) as sacred symbols, does not directly promote illegal file sharing, focusing instead on the open distribution of knowledge to all.

It was founded by 19-year-old philosophy student and leader Isak Gerson. He hopes that file-sharing will now be given religious protection.

Oh.....by the way the followers of this religion will be callled "Kopimi".... what an ingenious name :)

God, help the fight against piracy now what with file sharing becoming a religion now.....Not that I am complaining....as I am waiting for the latest blockbuster movies torrent to finish downloading in my laptop.... :) :)

I promised you some quirky facts about Sweden.....here you go:

• As of 2004 you can pay your Swedish taxes by sending an SMS message from your cell phone.
• Taxes are generally between 50 and 70% of your income. (Of course your employer already pays the full amount of your salary to the government in taxes before you even get anything.)
• Companies must lay off employees in first-in-last-out order when they are downsizing.
• All employees (including graduate students) get 5 weeks of paid vacation a year.



• The transportation department of the Swedish government works actively to reduce the number of traffic deaths each year to zero. (Mainly by reducing the speed limits.)



• There is no right turn on red.


• Any product you purchase is guaranteed for 1 year, and the retailer must exchange it if it fails in that time. (This includes things like clothes and shoes.)



• All non-military property that is not fenced in, or is not a farm or someone's personal garden is open to anyone for hiking through or camping for one night.



• Roughly 20% of the country's police stations close during the summer since everyone is off on vacation.



• Swedish university students are required to pay a membership fee in the student union, but no tuition.

Happy New Year!!!

I have been neglecting my blog for over a month now...what with no new posts....but anyways I will try to be more regular this year....thats my new year's resolution this time round....

I hope this year is a good one for everyone including me....

Happy New Year!!!

Never Give-up in Life

One day a young lady was driving along with her father. They came upon a storm, and the young lady asked her father, “What should I do?”

He said “keep driving”. Cars began to pull over to the side, the storm was getting worse.“What should I do.” The young lady asked?

“Keep driving,” her father replied. Few feet ahead, she noticed that eighteen wheelers were also pulling over.
She told her dad, “I must pull over, I can barely see ahead. It is Terrible, and everyone is pulling over!”
Her father told her, “Don’t give up, just keep driving!”. Now the storm was getting more dangerous and terrible, but she never stopped driving, and soon she could see a little more clearly.

After a couple of miles she was again on Dry land, and the sun came out. Her father said, “Now you can pull over and get out.”
She said “But why now?” He said “When you get out, look back at all the people that gave up and are still in the storm, because you never gave up, your storm is now over.”

Moral: This is a testimony for anyone who is going through “hard times”. Just because everyone else, even the strongest, gives up, You don’t have to. If you keep going, soon your storm will be over and the sun will shine upon your face again!

There is something about the Rains...

There is something about the rains.....This is a statement Vidisha must have heard countless times uttered from my mouth....Yes, there are some who are summer's children and there are some who like a good chill...but me...I am a rainman.....lolz...not the Dustin Hoffman kinda rainman kind of man....but rather a person who loves the rains.....

Rains make me happy....elation is wrote large on my face...it makes me forget the horrors of the hot scorching summer......Rains to me are the tears of God....which clean the earth....and clean our souls too.....Heavy words....you say....nah!! Am not in a philosophical mood....

The school bell about to ring at 3:30 PM....and the thunder claps ringing in synch with the school bell....the mad rush to the cycle stand to get the cycle....and then deliberately waiting for a few minutes more for the rains to crash on earth.....so that one can get wet....This for me is one of the best memories from my school days.....Living in Cuttack lying bang in the path of the South Eastern Monsoons.....rains seldom played truant when I was a kid.....I used to get wet daily when returning from school....during monsoons and the excuse I had each time....was that I was on a desolate piece of road and it started raining suddenly, so I could not hide anywhere...and got wet...Once I got wet, I thought it would be unwise to take out my raincoat from my school rucksack as I did not want my books to get wet....My mother never used to say anything more, because I used to pucker my face and repeat, I wanted to save my school books.....what mother would say anything more... The added advantage of the getting wet was a cup of piping hot tea....courtesy my mother.....

I was never a sportsperson but nevertheless still remember the neighborhood football matches which always became more interesting once it rained....the sludge..the mud....the dives in the mud...the pain and the ecstasy of scoring the goal....those were the rainy days of school.....

College brought with it...the first strokes of freedom.....of love...and love is always enjoyed best with a shower of rain....who will disagree with this statement.....I remember my girlfriend during those days loved the rains too ...bunking college and walking down the indoor stadium road hand in hand.......The first rain of the season, the first love of my life, the first innocent peck with the rains pattering on our faces....Oh!! so romantic......Life was so innocent then.....

Then I went to a God forsaken place called NOIDA...where it probably rained for 4 days in a whole year.....with a couple of those days in the winter...The temperatures used to go below 5 degrees each time it rained....I liked the freedom that NOIDA brought to me...but nevertheless missed my college friends and of course the rains a lot.....Then I met a girl over there...and we became good friends....we used to talk to each other for hours in office and sometimes after office too...but both of us had never ventured out together on anything remotely resembling a date.....it used to be always with the whole gang that we went out with...

Then one cold winter Sunday afternoon....all of a sudden the rain God decided to come visit NOIDA...Almost six -seven months had passed since this girl and me had struck upon a mutually benefiting friendship.....Don't get any idea's....by mutually benefiting I mean we were each other’s sounding boards....we just used to say everything that was troubling us in our separate lives....and the other just had to listen.....Okies...I am diverting from the story......It rained that afternoon in NOIDA and continued drizzling well into the evening and the temperatures dipped...The girl called me up and said she was very low and wanted to talk with me....but she said she could not talk with me over the phone as all her roommates were there and she wanted to meet with me....I asked her smilingly......whether this was our first date...and she said..."Shut Up, don't get any ideas and meet me Yaar...I need to talk with my friend" Hmm...what could I do....I trudged out into that cold winter night albeit reluctantly.....We met and decided to take a walk...We knew we liked each other...but did not want to ruin our friendship by confessing our feelings.....that meant...we were very formal with each other....no we used to abuse each other with the choicest expletives....by formal I meant...we kept a distance of more than 60 cms....when we were together....but today we were alone....for the very first time........We walked on and on and she talked what was troubling her minds...then it happened....Yes..it happened.....Our first touch

Our finger tips wet with rain on them touched each other.....it was just a caress......it was as if by mistake they had touched each other....and both of us were scared as we had crossed our self imposed limit....and almost immediately both of us blurted sorry.....The rain was drizzling and it was getting colder...Both of us were completely drenched by now and shivering like leaves..... Then all of a sudden a mad biker appeared out of nowhere and came speeding towards us.....I instinctively clutched her hands with mine and pulled her away from the path of the speeding bike....Our fingers had touched again...but this time...she did not say sorry neither did I offer one.....The papers declared the next day that the temperature the previous evening had dropped to 1 degrees Celsius because of the rains... That winter rain is probably the best memory of the rains for me from NOIDA.....

If you are wondering, why am I talking about the rains in the month of November....it’s because, down south in Chennai....the rains come only in November....and it’s been raining off and on for the last 1 week.....I make it a point to get wet every day....but something’s missing...I am not enjoying the rains...this year....I wonder Why??

The Beer Prayer

My Tryst with Weed

Reminiscing the old days…..Part fiction part true……….

Grass...Weed....Pot.....Ganja....by whatever name you know it......is a great hallucinogen.....

Q: What is Reality?
A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.

Since time immemorial...it’s been used by mankind and even the supermen.....By supermen...I am pointing my fingers to Lord Shiva...now he was a connoisseur of Ganja..... Probably it cooled him off...there by saving the world from further destruction from his wrath.....for he was the Destroyer of the trinity of God's in Hindu Mythology.

Anyways...Grass is considered to be a drug now and you find only drug addicts using it now.....Parents will forgive their children if they find a fag....but if you are caught with grass...then you are a goner....As a result of this belief....I never got a chance to try grass in college.....However ....I ultimately did get my chance when I was in NOIDA....working for BSL....This is my story of that fateful morning when I had grass for the first time.....

We used to be four guys living together in a huge four bedroom Penthouse apartment on the 7th floor in NOIDA. Our address was Flat - P5, Gourav Adhikari Appartments....and we were known as the P5 denizens.....Let me name the denizens for my readers benefit.....They were
~ Sab
~ Deb
~ Pan
~ Sri (yours truly)

We had an arrangement where in every Friday all four of us would get together in the night and drink....thereby ensuring an awesome start to an awesome weekend.... However suddenly our weekly routine came under danger as work pressure forced us to stay in office quiet late.....We decided to compensate for the loss of the booze binge sessions by having something more potent....and we zeroed in on Grass....

Grass was arranged by one of us after paying off a hefty amount to a middle man....It was winter Saturday morning with rain clouds threatening to burst forth at any point of time.....I woke up at 7 in the morning because of the loud thunderclaps....I walked into the drawing room to fin Deb and Pan watching the re-run of a movie for the umpteenth time.....Sab had woken up but was still under his quilt.....Deb as usual the good guy...had made tea for all of us......Nothing like a piping hot cup of tea on a winter morning.....As I was sipping on the tea, Deb said...winking at me .......that the weed had been delivered yesterday to him....and wondered aloud..if all of us were game.....Sab who was still under his quilt....stood up in tizzy...Without exchanging words...he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth...the rest of us laughed as Sab was the one who normally woke up at 12 in the noon on weekends...and here he was wide awake at 7:30 AM....Since by that time...it had started raining....we could not go out to buy cheap ciggs to fill the weed with....so I had to volunteer by Classic Regulars....the tobacco from the ciggs was slowly slid out of the ciggs...the weed along with all its leaves and pods was crushed by hand and mixed with a little of the cigg tobacco....All of us were new to this...so it took us a little time...but anyways...we managed to make ourselves...6 potent weed laced handmade fags......Wait..it could not start without some Bob Marley. So "Weed" the song by Bob Marley was downloaded specially to be played.

The excitement was palpable in the air....as the first of the corrupt fags was lit by Deb.....he took a long drag and passed it on to Pan....Pan being Pan....took 4-5 quick drags....blowing out rings of smoke....Passed to Sab....he took one long drag...longer than humanly possible....Sab was hooked to Wills Flake ciggs....the cheapest cigg with a filter....so I assumed that this weed fag was probably a slight notch higher than his regular poison.....Finally I got the weed fag in my hands....(I was a junior amongst my roommates....so I got it last as usual...damn seniors)....anyways...I took a drag....but did not feel much...then I tried out another drag..and another....by this time...the room which was actually a huge one....was reeking of the smell of grass.....No one was talking much....we were waiting for the first victim to do something funny....but it seemed two fags had not done it yet.....The third was lit.....
Deb said..he was feeling a slow blood rush...Pan said his ears were feeling hot.....I said...i had started feeling giddy....but Sab...he just stood up and said..."Nah...nothing...I can have 2 more...ALONE"...... The alone was stressed.....so then and there he was crowned the king of Weed among the P5 denizens....Boys have this habit of one up-manship....and one of them has to be crowned the king.....Little did we know...that our king was standing on shaky ground......lolz

King Sab....lit a weed fag and started drawing from it....alone..but after just two drags...he passed on the fag to me stating that he needs to go to the loo....By that time...Pan and Deb had given up and I was happily on the nearly pristine weed fag which Sab had given me.....King sent across a loud sigh and farted even more loudly.....Boys again have this habit...of farting as loudly as possible and then acting nonchalant....but today King was in a generous mood and said it was indeed him who had farted and since he was the king...we were better off listening to the kings fart......King went to the attached bathroom in his bedroom to sit in his Pot throne .....We could hear him humming a song as he went about doing whatever people do in the morning in their pots...

Since Deb and Pan had already lost the plot as far as weed was  considered.....we turned on FTV and started checking out anorexic models strutting their assets on the ramp....About 45 minutes had passed....and our King...had not yet returned...to be with his subjects....Deb called out aloud to see what he was up to....Maybe he was back in his bed....anyways...we forgot about it and started looking at the hotties on TV.....Finally after 15 minutes...we called out again...and again no response.....I coaxed Deb to go into his room to check on him....By this time...the weed had done its effect on me too...after all I had more than all of them now....Anyways...Deb went into the King's den and we heard a shout and then howls of laughter...he shouted at us to come over.....

Boy...were we in for a surprise sight....Deb was literally rolling on the ground clutching his stomach and laughing out....The King was sitting on his throne .....sans a single stitch of cloth...with a faraway look in his eyes.....and mumbling....."Band ho ja Sim Sim" to the door.....After the Hindi evocation.....the King....was saying now in pristine English....."Sesame Close"........ Our King is a person who never prefers English and prefers chaste Oriya........here he was talking in English...chanting out magical words...."Sesame Close"......Finally after we had finished laughing....we asked King...if he had used the throne...the king replied..."No he was waiting for the door to his cave to close so that he could count his gold coins"......Finally we coaxed the King...that he wasn't in Ali Baba's cave and he better come into his bedroom....Me and Pan finally carried him off the pot to his bed and plonked him there.....Deb was still laughing uncontrollably on the floor.....and the floor was freezing....

The exhaustion of carrying the King was too much for Pan....he snuggled into the bed along with King.....not bothering that King was still without a stitch of clothes.... I had not had enough of the weed or thats what I thought....until I found myself.... trying to light the lighter using the weed fag......By this time the weed had taken me to a high which I had not thought possible.....

I don't know...what happened next...and how I passed out.....I woke up finally at 6 PM in the evening....on the floor shivering like a leaf......The laptop was still playing...Bob Marley's eternal hit, 'Weed'. Deb was in a much worse position as he had rolled over into the bathroom from his earlier position outside the bathroom door....with still a smile pasted on his face......Pan and the King were found hugging each other on the bed.....the King still without a stitch of cloth.......After taking photographs of all of them for future blackmailing purpose....I woke all of them.....

That’s how my first experience with Weed was.....I can never forget those days....Long Live P5 and Three Cheers to the denizens of P5...... :) :)